The Two Wolves

Emotional Balance


"Emotional balance is one of the first results of meditation, and our experience bears this out."
Basic Text, p. 45

Though each of us defines "emotional balance" a little differently, all of us must find it. Emotional balance can mean finding and maintaining a positive outlook on life, regardless of what may be happening around us. To some, it might mean an understanding of our emotions that allows us to respond, not react, to our feelings. It can mean that we experience our feelings as intensely as we can while also moderating their excessive expression.

Emotional balance comes with practice in prayer and meditation. We get quiet and share our thoughts and hopes with God. Then we listen for guidance, awaiting the power to act on that direction.

Eventually our skills in maintaining near-balance get better, and the wild up-and -down emotional swings we used to experience begin to settle. We develop an ability to let others feel their feelings; we have no need to judge them. And we fully embrace our own personal range of emotions.

Just for today: Through regular prayer and meditation, I shall discover what emotional balance means to me.

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An Afterimage



As I was driving down the highway to Ipoh, with my usual speed so as making up unusually good time, a police car came out of nowhere - blue strobe lights whirling, making considerable noise with it siren. My stomach clenched. Gee, was I speeding as though I didn't know?

But then the police cruiser speed on passing me on high gear, chasing down God knows who, leaving me with only an afterimage burnt on my retina and a memory of a time I rarely thought about any more.

A D8 (Malaysian anti-narcotics elite police force) officer took me into the courtroom in handcuffs.Surviving against all odds, we are addicts who meet regularly. We respond to honest sharing and listen to the stories of our members for the message of recovery. We realize that there is hope for us at last. We make use of the tools that have worked for other recovering addicts who have learned in NA to live without drugs. Our primary purpose is to stay clean and to carry the message to the addict who still suffers.

I wore a white Pagoda round neck t-shirt, which was too big on me making me looked exactly like I want the Honorable Judge to look - a sad looking creature who deserve a second or maybe a third chance (I lost counts, really). The D8 police officer, a squat, potbellied man (like he was pregnant 8 months), took me over to the long wooden table next to my lawyer. The D8 man waited until I sat down before he removed the cuffs.

The courtroom was stuffy and overheated, smelt of perspiration and cleaning fluid. I glanced at my attorney, my own brother-in-law Wan Nazri who'd been assigned to defend me by my beloved Mum. He gave me a quick, sympathetic look that told me he wasn't hopeful.

My heart was pounding loudly. The Magistrate was big with a tangle of frizzy red hair (dye?) who wore tortoiseshell reading glasses on a chain round her neck. She was whispering something serious to the clerk who just nodded her head. I stared at the nameplate in front of her: THE HONORABLE ZURIDAH BINTI SUHUD.

Finally, the judge turned towards me, peering me over her half moon glasses. Right on time, she cleared her throat. 'ArahMan7,' she said. 'When I was just a student in the State (I guess she meant USA), I heard a Cherokee legend about a young man like you who keeps getting into trouble because of his aggressive tendencies. The young man goes to see his grandfather, and says, "Sometimes I feel such anger that I can't stop myself."

And his grandfather, who's a wise tribal elder, says, "I used to be the same way. You see, inside of you are two wolves. One is kind and peaceful, and the other one is mean and angry. The mean wolf is always fighting the good wolf." The boy thought for a moment, then said, "But, Grandfather, which wolf will win?" And the old man said, "The one you feed."'

She picked up a manila folder, flipped it open. A minute went by. Then two. My mouth had gone dry, and I was finding it hard to swallow. It was difficult to breathe even. Finally, I took a deep breathe.

'ArahMan7, I have found you guilty of criminally blah blah blah.' My brother-in-law next to me inhaled slowly. 'You should thank your lucky stars that I'm in such a good mood today. (As a matter of fact, I've never told anyone any story, not even to my dear Hubby!) I'm remanding you to a limited-secure residential facility - that is, Jelebu Drug Rehabilitation Institute for thirty six months. And I can only hope that by the time you've completed your sentence, you'll have learned which wolf to feed.'

Two wolves, which one the good or evil you gonna feed?
Image submitted by Pam Henderson of Women's Funny Videos


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Since May 28th, 2008.