Hate Me!

Direct and indirect amends

"We make our amends to the best of our ability."
Basic Text, p. 40

The Ninth Step tells us to make direct amends wherever possible. Our experience tells us to follow up those direct amends with long-lasting changes in our attitudes and our behaviour - that is, with indirect amends.

For example, say we've broken someone's window because we were angry. Looking soulfully into the eyes of the person whose window we've broken and apologizing would not be sufficient. We directly amend the wrong we've done by admitting it and replacing the window - we mend what we have damaged.

Then, we follow up our direct amends with indirect amends. If we've acted out on our anger, breaking someone's window, we examine the patterns of our behaviour and our attitudes. After we repair the broken window, we seek to repair our broken attitudes as well - we try to "mend our ways." We modify our behaviour, and make a daily effort not to act out on our anger.

We make direct amends by repairing the damage we do. We make indirect amends by repairing the attitudes that cause us to do damage in the first place, helping insure we won't cause further damage in the future.

Just for today: I shall make direct amends, wherever possible. I shall also make indirect amends, "mending my ways," changing my attitudes, and altering my behaviour.


Just because I'm a drug addict!

There was an email from a very angry lady in my Inbox since yesterday. She was telling a drug addict like me is the scum of the earth. She thought that the world will be a better place to live if there are no drug addicts, especially me. She even puked herself dry when she read my posts telling the world how good I've became. She kept on telling reminding me that I am a drug addict, nothing special about me at all.

Dear nice Lady. Thank you for reminding me that I am a drug addict and I know there's nothing great about me at all. In fact I've live in shamed and I've sinned so much for the past twenty-four years living the unmanageable life as a drug addict.

I know no matter what I say or do, you will not believe me. Yours are full of hate and your mind closes up, failing to believe to anything that I do or say. It will only be registered in your mind as a show-off. You truly believed that there are no sincerity whatsoever just because I'm a drug addict? You don't even believed I can stay clean and sober till the day I die? And you've been praying everyday so that I shall fall and relapse?

Believe me, dear nice Lady. You're not the only one. There are many others who has been praying like you. As you know when it come to the subject matter of drug addicts, you picture us as being dirty, homeless, cannot be trusted type and all the negative things you can label on us.Most of us did not consider ourselves addicted. The information available to us came from misinformed people. As long as we could stop using for a while, we thought we were all right. We looked at the stopping, not the using. As our addiction progressed, we thought of stopping less and less. Only in desperation did we ask ourselves, "Could it be the drugs?"

Yeah, that was the stigma I've to shoulder till the day I die. I guess I've already getting used to be called so and so and I really don't mind at all. You can called me anything that you want to, as long as it pleases you. Don't worry, I've been called and referred to many things before, worst than the one you referred me.

I was wondering why do you hated us so much? What have we done to you? Did any of us asked you for some money to buy drugs? Did any of us kicked or stepped on you in a harmful way? Please tell me if any of us forced you to buy things for them? Or any of them threated to expose who you are?

Wait a minute, I think I know why you hated drug addicts. Is your boy friend a drug addict, or your husband, perhaps?? Yes, that it! I've hit the right button. For whatever it worth, everything that happens, sometimes it affects you or sometimes it's just plain none of your business not benefiting or harming you whatsoever. But one thing for sure is that when things happened to you, they are for a reason.

I think I know what you've gone through with your boy friend/husband. I guess he had done any of the things I have mentioned above. In a very serious scenario, he had done all of those things! I'm really sorry, my sympathy for you but I shall not call you stupid or anything like you referred yourself. You've got to stop blaming yourself and calling yourself names. I repeat, nobody was calling you stupid for not knowing how to choose a boy friend/husband? Even myself made the same mistakes too but I didn't blame myself as being dumb because I surely believe when things happened to you, there must be a reason for it.

Now, I'm not saying I'm a very good person and I would really love to be a good person like you. I hope you can teach me somehow...

That's all for now, nice lady. Do write some more. I kinda like it. The more hate you put in it, the more I'm grateful.

Before I took my leave, here's another great news brought to you by TheNewsRoom, entitled Former Drug Addict Thanks His Arresting Officer.

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5 Comments thus far...

Shadow said...

hmmm, that's nice. direct and indirect amends. constantly saying sorry will not do it on the long run. indirect amends are necessary too...

i tend to agree with what you wrote about the lady. why she hates addicts so much. i too think she's reacting from a pain within herself.

oh, do you know the song 'hate me' by 'blue october'? listen to the words some time...

stay well my friend!

Lomba berhadiah nama domain dan hosting said...

Yes i'm a bit confused on how the lady can be that mad to drug addicts, it must be something pretty bad had happened to her in the past that caused her regard drug addicts in negative view.

Angel Onewin said...

I do not have a negative attitude towards addiction, I think everybody makes choices and sometimes the wrong ones.
Addiction scrap lives and that's all I believe people need another chance otherwise there will be only life sentence and death penalty.
Note: this is the comment you requested from www.goclubart.com

cendana287 said...

This lady, I believe, is someone who has had a traumatic experience with a boyfriend, husband, father or sibling who is an addict - just like what ArahMan7 had written.

Yes, she was probably very vicious in that e-mail ... And she has to account for actions, of course - just like every one of us.

By this, I mean "what that bitterness has turned her into". Can someone with so much hatred in herself ever be "happy", "peaceful"...?

I don't think so; so this is where she'll be punished - EVERY DAY, unfortunately for her.

But can you fully blame her for her viciousness? It's a fact that drug addicts create a lot of hurt in others. I should know - I am (or `was', hopefuly) one.

I had hurt my family, my wife, my children... "Making amends"- YES, there is no other way.

But believe me, IT'S DAMN TOUGH!! The toughest part is not really in "replacing" ... For me, it's trying to get the afflicted person TO ACCEPT my amends. God knows how it hurts when she/he just scorns them ... still remembering the hurts that I had caused,

And THIS is what is tormenting me right now.

Lars said...

that is one of the hardest things that 'addicts'(or former) have to deal with... it is like they are being tagged for life... although it is really unfortunate, but it happens... i agree with cendana287, that people that are quite vicious towards addicts could have had terrible experiences with somebody who's an addict... but addicts are obviously people too, who are struggling with personal issues, who get hurt when judged just because...

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