Your Recovering Son


Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results."
Basic Text, p. 23

Mistakes! We all know how it feels to make them. Many of us feel that our entire
lives have been a mistake. We often regard our mistakes with shame or guilt - at the very least, with frustration and impatience. We tend to see mistakes as evidence that we are still sick, crazy, stupid, or too damaged to recover.

In truth, mistakes are a very vital and important part of being human. For particularly stubborn people (such as addict), mistakes are often our best teachers. There is no shame in making mistakes. In fact, making new mistakes often shows our willingness to take risks and grow.

It's helpful, though, if we learn from our mistakes; repeating the same ones may be a sign that we're stuck. And expecting different results from the same old mistakes - well, that's what we call "insanity." It just doesn't work.

Just for today: Mistakes aren't tragedies. But please, God, help me learn from them!


On we pay tribute to these dedicated women who give unconditional love and guidance to their children. is in honor of the best Mother who ever lived - the Mother of your heart. I'm dedicating this post especially to my beloved Mummy, Hajah Sariah Binti Maid. She is my life, my soul-mate, my friend, my everything!

When I was still using, I could never appreciate my Mummy. I know she loves me and I took advantage of her for loving me. I used her on many countless occasions. It never occurred to me that a mother's work requires extraordinary patience and compassion, and her example influences the formation of young lives. Somebody wrote that, "there is no undertaking more challenging, no responsibility more awesome, than that of being a mother."

Mothers make great sacrifices and serve as caregivers and role models to help their children embrace dreams and aspirations. It is from these remarkable women, children learn character and values, the importance of giving back to their communities, and the courage to realise their potential.

The bond between mothers and their children is defined by love. As a mother's prayer for their children are unending, so are the wisdom, grace, and strength they provide to their children. Therefore on I am reminding myself again and again, of the great debt (especially when it comes to owing her bling, bling and other material things!) I owe to my Mummy for her love and devotion.

Kissing The Sacred Mother's hands.

They said, a digital photo displayed, tell a thousand words. Yeah, that was yours truly, kissing the sacred hands of his beloved mother. The photo was taken last year's Hari Raya Aidil Fitri, a grand days for us Muslim to celebrate after a month of fasting.

As you have noticed, my family had chosen the colour green, as our theme colour for that year's celebration. FYI, every year, my family will choose one fine sunny day to held our yearly, family-talk. We will discuss about many things including the choice of our attires colour for any given celebration. For this year, we have yet to decide the theme colour for this year's Hari Raya.

From the looked of my dear mother's face, she is about to break down and cried with happiness, welcoming her prodigal son back to the family especially now that I have been clean and sober for the past four years. Every time I kissed her sacred hands, I would asked for her forgiveness for causing her much pain and suffering.

Please forgive me, Mum. I have caused you many sleepless night wondering where I am, when I was out making a score. I have caused you to shed tears, when my hands was handcuffed. I have caused you to lost your appetite when the judge sentenced me to jail. I have caused you to borrow some money when I needed it on a very short notice. I have caused you looking for me all day long when you heard the police are doing an operation to catch addicts. I could go on Ma, listing every single things how I caused you so much anguish, making your life miserable.

There are so many things I wanna do, to make up with you, Mom. I want you to be proud of me when I gained admission to an elite Secondary Science School, a boarding school years ago. I want you to be proud of me just like when I managed to climb the tallest mountain in West Malaysia, Gunung Tahan in a school expedition. Hearing my father relating the story how my Mom making the round seeing and telling everybody, "Did you buy today's New Strait Times. My sweet little boy is in the paper, for making it to the top of the mountain..."

O boy! I wanna you be proud of me again, Mom. I know I can't be the Banker again but I'm learning to do a little bit of Internet Marketing. I know it ain't much but it's a start This mole is going to be a mountain soon, Mom. I wanna you be proud of me if only I can give you a grandchildren. I have been trying very hard, Mom but I'm not as young as I think I am.

The only present that is worth giving on is that I have been clean and sober for the past four years, Mom. If not for your relentless prayers, I shall not be able to stand in front of you and not afraid to look you in the eye to say, I am you son, your recovering son.

I know I can't be a perfect son. If I were perfect, I would not be human, would I? What is important is that I would do my best using the tools available to me. I don't wanna lose any of what I have gained! I am slowing beginning to lose the paralyzing fear of hopelessness. The photo above is proof shown in the way I live today! Ain't life is beautiful?

If the friend is one, who can sense your emotions by sheer instinct.
If a teacher is the one, who knows just how to mold you into the best person you can make....Then I am lucky for sure. ...Because I have them all in someone, who is truly my own - My Mummy.

Happy Mummy. I love you...


Mother's is likes no others
© By Ella Sherod

Mother's is likes no others

She is always compassion kind and thinking about what is best for the child.
She is the first God the child can look up too.

She will wiped the tears from the child eyes,
just to found out what's wrong with the child.

She would mend that bruise knee with a bandage,
hoping that the scar was on her knee instead of your knee.

She would feed you when you were hungry,
She would clothe you when you were naked.
She would do all that for you to tell you that she love you.

Nobody can take her place here on earth.

She is the salt of the earth for the family.
She is the seasoning for the family.
She makes everything all right.

So if you have a living mother you have something to thank God for.
Because she is the first to pray for her child if it gets into trouble.
She wouldn't turn her back on her child.
Because she deserved the flower that she received.
So children gave her flower while she is living.
Mother is likes no others

Copied and pasted from PoetryAmerica

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14 Comments thus far...

Zane-nawwaa said...

What a wonderful loving and living tribute to your MUMMY. It was very touching. It's another Gift from GOD>

Anonymous said...

Noor Azman--you are a wonderful son and I am sure your Mummy is very proud of who you have become today.
Lovely post.

flowerdave said...

it is great to be able to make amends to the ones that suffered with our adictions. my parents were unconditinal with their love for me. thanks for sharing

Sylvia said...

Made me feel good to read this. You are a good son and I am sure your Mummy is proud.

Michael said...

I find it difficult in my family to get close to anyone but I must admit that I take my mum for granted. I did her a written ammends because I felt it hard to say in words.
I know what u mean though, I still live with my mum and dad and im 38 its just so much cheaper here in the UK where cost of housing and tax is phenomenal.
An MOT is a check on a vehicle annually to make sure its roadworthy but I think its just another form of tax for our robbing government like everything else

Christine said...

best present a Mom can get---a clean and sober son

Michael said...

Hi Noor,
Just booked our next holiday in Wales and my motorbike passed her MOT last night thats 2nd attempt at £27 per attempt.
You are lucky that they dont MOT motorbikes in your country I bet things are much simpler

Scott W said...

Azman, beautifully written and heartfelt. Thanks for sharing.

recoveryroad said...

Hey Noor

what a lovely, touching and powerful post. Thank you very very much for sharing that with us.

I hope you have a wonderful day today, matey. :-)

lushgurl said...

Noor Azman. I too am quite sure that your mom is very proud of you today. You are such a wonderful person, and yes, staying clean and sober must mean a lot to her.
What a touching and honest post!

Shadow said...

the fact that the bean at at age of 10 was kissing me to smell whether i was drinking amongst other things, was one of the more compelling reasons for me to go to rehab. i didn't want him to have the same hang up's i've got because of my dad's drinking. so yes, a mother's love is a gift and a priviledge, not a right. and i'm earning it all over again. p.s. by the looks of your photo i don't think you'll EVER get to look like a whale, hee hee.

Shadow said...

oh yes, doing the same thing and expecting different result IS insane...

sickgirl said...

Just a quick hekko. I discovered your blog when checking out links of others currently going through recovery. Just looking for others like myself...

Peace, love and happiness.

sickgirl said...

I meant hello!

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