Meditations For The Heart

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Sometimes even in recovery I just get in a bad mood. I don't even need a reason for this to happen. It just seems like I got out of bed on the wrong side that morning. Even my morning meditation doesn't seem to get me back on track. Then I rush off, headlong into my day with my bad mood. These are the times when I am most likely to feel like it just isn't working. I get frustrated easily. I get crabby and irritable. Someone can look at me the wrong way or say the wrong thing to me, and I am off to the races. I can take it personally and become judgmental or even lash out in a manner that does not show any respect for the other person.

Sometimes by mid-morning or early afternoon I realize that I am having a bad day. At the end of my day I look back and regret how I behaved, and I don't like what I see. This is where Step Ten becomes so important for my recovery. I look back over my day and can honestly see that most if not all of my difficulty has to do with my attitude and my behavior. I need to look back and admit my mistakes, I may even have some amends to make the next time I talk with the people with whom I have interacted throughout my day. I also need to look back and see what went wrong. If I am unwilling to learn from these days, I will likely repeat them. Here I have found that talking to my sponsor or someone else in the program is important. I need to bounce things off of someone else and do some reality testing. Do I take inventory at the end of my day?

Often times when my day is screwed up, I need to look at where I am in my spirituality. Have I behaved in a way that my Higher Power would want me to? Invariably the answer to this question is “No.” I may have gone through the motions of a morning meditation, but I never really made conscious contact with God, as I understand Him. Just going through the motions doesn't work for me. My day started off badly because I took things for granted. I took my Higher Power for granted. I just did not want to really take the time to ask for help or direction. I just mouthed the words. But God has a sense of humor. He looks at me and laughs at the mess I get myself into and says, "He'll be back." Then God waits silently for me to come back, and when I do he laughs and says, "Did it again, huh? Tried walking through the forest with a blindfold on, and you fell on your face. When are you going to learn?" Do I know where to turn when I get off track?

Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, (Allah, my only God)

This morning let me not move too quickly and just take things for granted. Slow me down and encourage me to open my ears to Your voice. Let me remember that You are my friend, and I need to treat my relationship with You as one who is my best friend. Be my guide this day, and grant me a willing heart to follow.

Amiin.

p/s I'm really sorry for sending news, jokes or whatever without your consent. Maybe some of you are very busy indeed. Receiving and reading any unsolicited emails might disturbed your peace of mind.. It won't happen again, I promised you unless stated otherwise.

On a happy note: Here's a news I would like to share with you all. A couple of days ago I received a gift from Meg Moran. They said a photo digitalized a thousand words. Here I present; "NA In My Mailbox."


NA For Recovery

Thank you, Meg for your thought and concerned. I really appreciate your gift.

To see more recovery pics from my awesome recovery friends enjoying themselves every Thursday, click on the belly-button of this picture.

Recovery Belly-Button

Here is an interesting article by DeFamer with the title: Larry Birkheads Family Reunion: A Round-Up. Head over there now to watch the video.

· Enjoy this video of Larry breaking the good news: "I hate to be the one to tell you this, but: I told you so!" If you look closely, you can see money being exchanged between the giddy Bahamian law enforcement officials in the background.

· Prince Zsa Zsa the Fourth's official concession statement is the model of good sportsmanship: "We never intended to take Dannielynn from anyone, we were just here in case Prince Von Anhalt was the father. We wish Larry luck in raising Dannielynn and we wish him the best." [TMZ]

· The lingering custody matter will be addressed at a Friday hearing, but Stern has promised to cooperate, expressing the need for a "gradual transition" for the baby, something methadone-favoring weaning-aficionado Anna Nicole surely would have approved of. [CNN.com]

· A tenacious Virgie Arthur looks forward to "working with Larry raising my granddaughter," though certain parties are hoping their contact is limited to annual birthday cards out of which tumble crisp, ten-dollar bills, explained away to Dannielynn as having arrived "via special delivery from your dead grandma's ghost!" [People]

· Not surprisingly, Birkhead pledges his first stop will be to a toy store, where he will indulge himself his daughter in the finest primary-colored mobiles and Backyardigans his overextended credit limit can buy. [Court TV]

Here is another article by
FalseIcon, Birkhead Finally Proven To Be Father.

After months of court battles, Larry Birkhead has finally been proven to be the father of Dannielynn, Anna Nicole Smith’s baby.

Larry knew it all along and most other people felt he was the father and Anna’s close friends all say Anna told them Birkhead was the father. It’s no suprise, but it’s legal and it’s good news. He was the only person who had showed an interest in child custody/visitation before Anna Nicole died and one of the few who expressed concern for the baby before she was born. Birkhead pleaded with Anna to stop using drugs during her pregnancy while Howard K. Stern supplied Anna with drugs.

Out of all the potential baby daddy’s, Birkhead is the best father material. At least she will no longer have to be with Stern who didn’t seem to care what effects methadone and other drugs might have on Dannielynn while she was still a fetus.

Stern is disapointed in the results but has said he won’t fight for custody.

Many people seriously doubt Stern and Anna even had a sexual relationship. Even though he followed her everywhere like a puppy and seemed to be attached to her hip, they were seen kissing or holding hands and Anna never spoke of Stern in a way other than friend/lawyer/confidant.

Birkhead is thrilled that he has finally been proven to be the father and says Dannielynn is coming home soon. Virgie Arthur, Anna’s mom is also pleased with the results. While she hates Howard, because she blames him for her estrangment with Anna, she likes Birkhead.

Good luck to Birkhead and hopefully Dannielynn won’t suffer any longterm problems over the trauma she has already suffered before she has even turned a year old. Infants need to bond and she has lost her mother and has been changing main caregivers a lot making it difficult to bond. The person she is bonded with now, she will have to be taken from when she goes to live with Birkhead and will have to start the bonding process all over again.

And here's a satirical tongue-in-cheek visual titled, “Anna Nicole’s Sugar Baby Has A Daddy” by
Thought Theater.

In the never ending chapters in the life and death of Anna Nicole Smith, a court in the Bahamas ruled today that her former lover, Larry Birkhead, is in fact the father of her daughter...Dannielynn. Why Smith sought to avoid exposing the true identity of the father may never be known...but the one person who might know...Howard Stern, the former father will no doubt seek to capitalize on his time with the troubled celebrity. After all, it seems to me that this child is the modern day version of Gloria Vanderbilt...and will always be viewed as a much sought after trophy baby.

From CNN:

"Everybody, I hate to be the one to tell you this -- but I told you so," Birkhead said outside the court as he smiled and threw his hands into the air.

When asked what's next, he said, "I'm going to the toy store."

A DNA test confirmed him as the father with 99.99 percent certainty, said Dr. Michael Baird, who performed the test and revealed the results to a closed session of a Bahamian court Tuesday.

The court had ordered DNA testing to determine the father of the child, who has been at the center of a paternity dispute since she was born in a Bahamian hospital in September.

Smith had publicly identified Howard K. Stern, her lawyer and live-in companion, as the baby's father and listed him as the father on the child's birth certificate.

Dannielynn stands to inherit millions of dollars from the estate of Smith's late husband, oil tycoon Howard Marshall II. Until her death, Smith was involved in a legal battle over the inheritance.
______________________________________

Perhaps I'm a hopeless cynic, but I can't help but wonder the fate of this child had her mother died a penniless drug addict in any of the many large American inner cities. This thing we call love is a funny and complex concept...and I think in this particular situation it would be naive if one didn't question just what it is that all of these suitors actually love. My own suspicion is that little Dannielynn isn't their primary focus. I hope I'm wrong.

Regardless, I took the opportunity to put my thoughts and opinions about this tabloid tragedy into the following graphic.

Recovery Baby

Updates:
On a sad note: right after I published this post, my PC break-down again. Sheeesh!


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9 Comments thus far...

dAAve said...

Good to have you back, no matter who the father is.

Meg Moran said...

Today I will keep the blindfold OFF and ask God to guide me thru this forest. Thank you for the thought. Good to see your posts.

SCoUt said...

So nice to see you back, my Brother. But now you are down again?????
Scout misses her pal.
Peace,
Scout

Inmatez Wife said...

You are here one minute, and gone again. UGH!!! Hope all is fixed soon my friend. Prayers are yours tonight!!

Shadow said...

WELCOME BACK11111 computers are a blessing and a 'keeping your temper in check' device all in one go! nice to 'speak' to you again.

and about those morning, don't we all get them. and when i get them, i get to irritated with myself for feeling all crabby for absolutely no reason, it just makes me more crabby......

nice advise there, thanx!

lushgurl said...

Awww, Noor Azman I found you again and there you were gone!! I am however glad that at least you got one post in before your computer played with your serenity again!!!
love and HUGS!

msb said...

Welcome back Noor. You've been missed. I will add you to my daily journey.

sharonsjourney said...

You're back YAHOO! I missed you! I hope you won't be gone so long this time. I used to have 'days' like that, now I have maybe a couple or hrs. or even minutes. We'r human, we're going to have that happen, & we are on a journey, not a destination. Something that helps me in the mornings, or thru out the day, is I make a gratitude list. It changes my attitude most of the time. Or just even thinking about what my HP would have me. Then there's pgs. 86-88, of the BB. Good suggestions to live by. Hope you're up & running very soon. Good post.

Love, Sharon

Ithoy said...

Bang Man, glad to read your current post. Too bad your comp break down again. Best wish 4 you. May your comp recovered soon :)

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Since May 28th, 2008.