Bad Moon Rising


Updates: I give up, surrender or whatever! I'm reverting back to my beloved Classic Template. I've also posted a banner saying, it is much better to view my blog in the original version using Internet Explorer. Too bad for Mozilla's fans, you will see REDS! When I posted this post in the new layout, my SideBar dropped to the bottom. That does it, I'm reverting back. Anybody out there who can help me?

I'm out of my wits trying to work out the new layout. I'm not as computer savvy as you would like to think. When I looked at my Tracker Stats, I noticed that nearly 90% of my visitors are using Mozilla. What's troubling me is that, my blog's texts are all in RED!, if you're using Mozilla.
I don't know what causes it, thus my 'journey' to the new layout. But, it's not as easy as it looked - thus the 'Under Construction''s banner!

I prefer using my old Classic Template. I've put lot of widgets and stuffs on it, so to start all over again using the new layout is really a tall order! I pray somebody will show me how to edit my Classic Template so that it will satisfy all the browsers concerned.

Maybe it's the Bad Moon Rising but to lighten things up I present The Midnight Special by an old timer band, Creedence Clearwater Revival.

And, the article are taken from by a writer Martha Ruske, MFT.




A while ago, as I started a period of transition in my work life, I found myself gaining weight. Weight has never been an easy thing for me to keep in line, but I did what I usually do: buckle down a bit, stop eating certain foods, etc. Maybe go to the gym more.

Well, my weight kept going up. I told myself, this is normal. I'm getting older. I just have to work a little harder. That didn't do it either. My weight kept going up, despite anything that I did to counter it.

Finally "it" had my full attention. I began to observe myself: my eating had a compulsive nature to it. I was also feeling somewhat depressed and isolated. I was fearful of the changes I was feeling called to make. I was doubting my abilities, and my self esteem was low. I was lacking in energy at a time that I needed to be able call on my energy reserves.

For someone in recovery, a period like this can be scary because we have been trained to think "relapse." And indeed relapse is always a possibility. But I wasn't tempted to return to my primary addiction of alcohol. Instead I was seeing some old habits, and variations on old habits, which were never as severe as my drinking problem.

I was in what Melody Beattie calls a "recycling" period, where I was going back to old ways of coping. She calls it recycling, because you pass through a cycle, or part of a cycle, again, but you come out further along on your journey than you were before. In other words, it’s a period that can lead to growth. More about this in a minute.

What are some of the warning signs that you could be in a recycling period?

1. You find yourself shutting down emotionally - you discount or ignore your feelings, wants, or needs.

2. Compulsive behaviors return - these may be behaviors you've had trouble with before, or new one: overeating, overworking, overspending, etc.

3. The victim self-image returns - seeing yourself as someone with a "harder row to hoe" than others; envying other people and their successes.

4. Self-worth drops - the critical inner voice gets louder and stronger, telling you you're not good enough.

5. Self-neglect starts - you start to deviate from routine self-care, like not exercising, eating regularly, etc.

6. "Crazies" start - feeling disconnected, overwhelmed, can't think clearly. Maybe you stop calling friends and get more isolated. (My personal warning sign is when I find myself lying down to read in the afternoon because I am "too tired" to do anything.)

7. Feeling trapped - buying into the belief that you have no choices.

There are also certain things you begin to tell yourself with constant, judgmental inner dialog:

"This shouldn't be happening to me."

"If my program were adequate this wouldn't be happening."

"I know better than to let this happen to me."

"I haven't made any progress at all. This is proof."

The instinctive reaction when you start recycling is denial that it's happening, shame, and self-neglect. You can slide into the danger zone of relapse (drinking or using again), chronic depression, chronic physical illness, or – at the extreme - suicidal fantasies if you just let it go.

So how do you get out of a recycling period? You get out of it through acceptance, self-compassion, and self-care. You know how much better you feel when you finally surrender to something rather than trying to exert more and more self-will? It's like me with my weight symptoms. I was struggling to deny a problem that was trying to creep into my awareness, but once I could accept what was going on I could begin to see my way out.

What are some of the things that you can do when you find yourself recycling?

1. Reach out to others: put an emphasis on connection with people, maybe some current friends that you have been neglecting, but also expanding your contacts to include people you don't know. Making a conscious connection helps you break through that state of numbness, or acting without awareness.

2. Take a look at your connection, or lack thereof, to your Higher Power. Do you need to do something different? Try a different method of meditation, or prayer.

3. Review your self-care: are you getting any exercise? Is your diet heavy on junk food and eating on the run? Are you overly busy and not getting enough sleep? Or getting too much sleep if you're depressed? Do you need to pay more attention to your grooming?

4. Review your self-talk: if your inner dialog is overly critical, start writing down what you're hearing so that you can actively confront it.

5. Deal with unfinished business: you might be ready to finally put to rest something that has been holding you back.

6. Clean up your environment. I don't know about you, but my house tends to get messy and cluttered when I'm acting without awareness. Clearing space for yourself can be very freeing.

7. Take action: it might be time for you to take action on something that has been in your radar, but you've been afraid to actually take a step, i.e. a job change, letting go of a destructive relationship, etc.

8. Find a new focus: maybe you need to do some inner work to explore where you stand right now. Are you living in accordance with your values, or is it time to reevaluate and make a shift? Do you need to develop new long-term goals?

If any of the above seems too difficult to implement, consider getting help. We aren't meant to do everything in life on our own. You don't get extra points by doing it by yourself. There may be things that you're called on to do that are beyond your area of current knowledge.

When I was going through my process of reevaluating my work, I hired a business coach who helped me define my business so that I could work from a place of authenticity and groundedness. I would not have been able to make the same progress on my own.

A recycling period is a chance for growth, part of the process where we acquire new, positive behaviors and shed the old, self-defeating ones. Rather than being fearful that something is wrong with you, or that you're going to drink again unless you get strict with yourself, see this period as a nudge to action, a time where you can clear out the old and try new things, even though it might cause some initial anxiety.

Everyone – even people not in recovery – go through periods of feeling mired and stuck. One advantage you have of being in recovery is that you know you don't want to stay there for too long.

Call to Action:

Have you been in a recycling period lately, or are you in one now? What are your typical patterns of self-neglect? What is ONE thing that you would be willing to do today to turn this around and take care of yourself instead?

Copyright by Martha Ruske, MFT

Martha Ruske is a Marriage and Family Therapist and Recovery Life Coach. She started Intentional Path as a service to people in long-term recovery from alcoholism who want to step out into the fuller life they deserve. Visit for a FREE 41-page workbook: "Befriending Yourself," and for a FREE semi-monthly newsletter.

The Midnight Special lyrics
by Creedence Clearwater Revival

(Traditional - Arrangement by J. Fogerty)
Well, you wake up in the mornin', you hear the work bell ring
And they march you to the table to see the same old thing
Ain't no food upon the table, and no pork up in the pan
But you better not complain, boy, you get in trouble with the man

Let the Midnight Special shine a light on me
Let the Midnight Special shine a light on me
Let the Midnight Special shine a light on me
Let the Midnight Special shine a everlovin' light on me

Yonder come miss Rosie, how in the world did you know?
By the way she wears her apron, and the clothes she wore
Umbrella on her shoulder, piece of paper in her hand
She come to see the gov'nor, she wants to free her man


If you're ever in Houston, well, you better do the right
You better not gamble, there, you better not fight, at all
Or the sheriff will grab ya and the boys will bring you down
The next thing you know, boy, Oh! You're prison bound



Courtesy of

The Midnight Special

By Creedence Clearwater Revival

Subscribe to My Journey To Recovery

10 Comments thus far...


Once again AWESOME stuff my friend.
And you great taste in music.
Have a wonderful day!

Gwen said...

Noor! I am so sorry, I am adding you to my sideboard tonight!

My husband is enjoying your music selection :)

Your post was so long I had a hard time finding the comments section ;)

Enjoy your 24~

Michael said...

Same as the lady above I was looking for the comments section, my email is but your layout seems okay to me, I use IE6 at work and IE7 at home.
Whats Malaysia like I have visions of you living in a mud hut somewhere but I am sure I am wrong.
Its great to be sober aint it, strangely I had a drink dream again the other night and I was hiding this can of superstregth from my mum for some reason.
Then I had an overwhelming desire to get druink at a friends house and buy some cannabis and I thought it didnt matter anymore cos I had had a drink.
still its only a dream...

Michael said...

Hi Noor,
I often wonder why we have drunk dreams do you think it could be our "higher power" showing it what it could be like again if we ever secumbed to the dark side.
You sure are an inspiration to me, I used to smoke cannabis and drink cans of Kestrel Superstregth so I could escape from reality, in woods while I was supposedly taking the dog for a walk.
It seems so long ago now waking in wet beds etc, thank god it is all in the past.
Thanks for your comments again Noor

Anonymous said...

Noor Azman -- sorry for all of your frustration with new blogger. It can really be a pain in the butt if you have many things on your blog, as you do.
I would refer you to Gwen or Sober Chick for help on how to fix your blog problems. They are both awesome with computer stuff. Gwen even made my banner for me on Top 100. Either one of them will know what to do for sure.
Peace and keep up the nice blog work,

mAAry-AAnne said...

It was tricky to find the comments section, but we all did so I guess its all good. Wish I could help with the layout problems. I'm just using one of the Blogger layouts. This is all new to me and I'm still learning what's what with that.
C.C.R... now thats cool.

Anonymous said...

ok. Noor Azman! It's now 6:30 a.m. in your country. Time to wake up and put your first post on HNT! There is a link there that you can click on to email the "Webmaster" and she will send you the invitation. We all would love it if you would join us there!
Peace and Love,
P.S. When I was here earlier, I was 1:30 a.m. or something -- hope you were sleeping soundly ;)

Michael said...

Hi Noor,
I am meeting the lady I have been talking to on Thursday in the city of Liverpool, any good advise would be appreciated

Sober Chick said...

I agree with Gwen. Also perhaps is you remove much of the stuff (ad ons) you put on your blog it will be easier to manage. Sometimes simple works. :)

I do like this song. I don't think I have it in my music list. Hmmm, and I love CCR.

Have a great weekend!

Meg Moran said...

That recycling article was some really good stuff...thank you for sharing it

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